Fishing Unto Marriage

I’ve received this two fold question multiple times,

 which encourages me to share some of my journal entries with you. 

Perhaps it will help you along your own path, if not, it’s my own record.

1. How did you meet Jack?

2. And where can I find someone like him?

To address the second one first; Facebook! 

All your sorrows, worries, lonely nights and worldly cares can

be swept away by your online presence.

Okay now that I’ve got the joke out of the way, let’s talk about fishing. 

As you know, I’m a Mormon, a “young single adult Mormon” 

and I’m 30, 

so I may fall into some stereotypes in your mind. 

I’ll let you go there if needed.

“Why is she not married?”

SIMPLE:

EVERYONE THAT WANTS TO MARRY ME,
I DONT WANT TO MARRY.

AND EVERYONE I WANTED TO MARRY,
DIDNT WANT TO MARRY ME,

Not to hard of formula right,

The law of attraction remains in force.

After my mission, I wanted to be married,

so I started to have thoughts that lead unto actions unto marriage.

If I saw a cute guy, 

I spoke with him and tried to build a friendship.

That was my goal…….for the past decade.

And 3, 300 Facebook friends later and

 a looming graduation from the singles ward

(by not being married)

I knew that was only one thing I could do,

There is really only one thing I had control over: 

Keep fishing.

I had dated enough to know what I DID NOT WANT.

This was a very safe place for me, 

because as I avoided what I didn’t what, the possibilities

 of what I wanted grew and grew.

Some search for exactly what they want. That wasn’t me.

Who was I to declare such expectation to the confusing and busy world?

Throughout the friend-turn-crush-turn-relationship-sometimes-turn-friendzone process 

I had so many good experiences.

By staying away from what I didn’t want, I was introduced to the threshold of uncertainty

to know if I really wanted something or not in a potential suitor.

If I said that I would only date guys taller than me, 

my last three relationships and boyfriends, never would have happened. 

Just the fact that I went through those prepared me to receive Jack. 

I will note that at one time in my life, I did have unrealistic expectations.
Ask about that one, perhaps it would generate a another blog post.

anyways

. (My last two boyfriends were a quarter of an inch shorter). 

I truly felt it, being open and know what I didn’t want

was one of my way of communicating to the Lord that Celestial Marriage 

was important enough to me. Another key element was remaining honest and worthy.

 I wanted to see what

 He might place in my path.

I wanted my faith to grow.

 Disclaimer here. Although being taller, I was not uncomfortable, I just didn’t love it. If you’re not comfortable doing certain things (1. dont do them, 2. Go talk to my mission president)

My mission president will tell you,
 ELDER, be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I learned pretty easy that this is true, as an 8 yr. old politician’s daughter,

going door to door,

petitioning voters to vote and

 vote for Neil Hansen November 4^th.

Back to fishing. 

I need to have a fishing pool in every spot I felt like there might be a catch…. NOT a fish, A CATCH.

 So I signed up for LDS singles account and even fell inlove once.

I met tons of great guys

along with some creeps,

 but the odds were there. but it was FISHING.. or finding in Jack’s words.

If I was dating every weekend there were going to be fish I would throw back.

And perhaps even a catfish.

 Side note to all you players. All you professional fisherman for life.

 In Alaska, I went Salmon fishing, laws restricted me from

 keeping more than two fish, so each catch I reeled in

I had to examine if this was indeed the fish I would fly back to Utah.

Being deliberate and investigating was key!

I signed up on Tinder and went out with

tons of guys that were afraid of online dating!

As if a mobile app soften the reality that fishing must happen to make things happen.

Ha. One guy even told me that he wasn’t interested in me because of my body type.

No a big deal, no offense taken, I’m looking for a catch not a fling. 

The week I meet Jack,

 I had 3 tinder dates set up, 

which I think it’s exactly what you should

be doing if you haven’t caught the catch you want.

I attended the singles ward regularly;

 I complimented guys to their face.

I gave them what I call “EXTRA ATTENTION”

 If I wasn’t sure how I felt about them but wondered if there was potential,

 I’d bake them cookies, no wait,

 I would buy them store bought cupcakes or a tie.

I’d examine that fish to see it was a potential catch.

 Now that may be over the top,

 but it never hurt me.

and it never hurt the guy that I pursued.

Once, a rumor was given to be that a guy liked me..

He was a catch.. I found out all his favorite smoothie and ice cream shops.

I bought gift cards in the exact amounts of 2 servings, so he could take me out

when he found out I thought he was a catch.

I took these to his house. I heart attacked his door!

I video taped…

Days later I found out he had NO interest in me.

Ha.

 I even allowed myself to be rejected which happened softly more than not,

Fishing take times and patience and understanding.

 It gives you time to ponder.
 The important thing to remember is that

certain bait attracts certain fish. 

My divorce guy friend text me last week: A

LL GIRLS ARE BAD BLAH BLAH BLAH…

. I didn’t respond… What was he using for his bait?

Once I had my fishing polls in my spots, 

I tried to put my best foot forward which mainly consisted of

 being myself and being honest with myself and my intentions.

Six months ago at a stake activity, 

my stake president pulled me aside and through my tears

 I shared how hard fishing was for me. 

I felt that I had great bait but all these fish we
aren’t the fish that would be good for me to take home.

 Me Me Me, my problems…

Then he said it: Sister Jenny, I want you to do something, okay?

“Yes, President, what is it?”
 I knew I had to answer yes because I needed to exercise faith.

“Each guy that you go out with,

 I want you to think, “This could be the one.”

That thought alone freaked me out. 

Why would he tell me that?

 And then I knew why it freaked me out, I never do that.

So it began, and the best advice I can give you from following that advice is that I knew exactly where not to fish, when I was lonely, I would still spend time with guys that didn’t even have the same standards or thinking or values or lifestyle that I wanted to have. That advice kept me safe.

And the timing was perfect.

And two months later my lovely awesome” recycled teenage” bishop (not my dad)

 but my singles ward Bishop 

gave me the key advice to unlocking my heart.

When you are single and 30 in the church,

 I would hope that the business of getting married 

has been filled with a decade
of life experiences, trials, down falls, and goodness. 

My bishop knows me as a wedding photographer,

 as most of my blessed clients come from that pool. He said to me:

Look at your life, look at your business, the business of your life;

 all you need is ONE investor. You’ve interviewed a ton of applicants; 

you’ve even had final interviewers pass way.

Treat you’re dating like a business and the Lord will provide.

Those are not his exact words exactly

, but none the less the words he spoke came into my heart. 

I don’t think limiting your application process
or interviewing is even safe
if you haven’t been in a couple semiserious relationships,
if you haven’t been in a serious relationship,

 your business is young and you need to grow it through experiences.

 But for me, having had serious relationship and countless dates, 

the Lord knew I needed to hear it.

Flash back to my mission. 

There was a bishop that had an older daughter that wanted to be married,

 so as a family they gathered together to perform a family fast;

 they fasted for her and sure enough within the right timing, 

she was married.

 I had a boyfriend that sent me on a mission, 

but when I heard that story, my first thought was:

 I’m going to have to ask my family to do that.

Again exercising faith.

Ha-ha…

And then September of this year came and something unique happened.

 My sister in law wanted to sell their house and suggested a family fast. 

We all added our plea; we all prayed that our will would line up with the Fathers.

Many things were written down for each family unit.

 Landing a job that was sought after for 10 years, 

selling a house to a buyer that would be an asset to the neighborhood, 

buying a home,

 finding a husband,

( I skipped the boyfriend request.)

enjoying the responsibility of homework,

 and magnifying calls within the church.

and some other things.

One by one, these things have been brought to pass.

During that family fast, 

we broke it together as a family

and I told everyone how great this guy was that

 I had only been on one date within three months.

 I even thought be liked me.haha.

Which  I didnt know at the time, do we ever?

A month passed by and I saw a

Facebook group titled: LDS MIDSINGLES OF THE WORLD. 

Wow, another good fishing spot.

There were 3,000 plus members in here fishing.

I saw that Jack posted something about being judged as a player, 

which immediately caught my attention, 

because I knew that he knew
 how to fish or FIND fish and I was in that same business too. 

But I did not think anything of him or

even of him requesting my friendship on Facebook, 

he lived in Kentucky and more importantly, 

I had a crush on a guy that didn’t even like me back and that was draining.

 So we spoke here and there and a weekend passed and
 I told my bishopric wives about this awesome guy
who I didn’t know that he didn’t like me back,
 but these wise women knew, specifically,
I will name drop the saint, Lydia Tribe said:
Don’t text him back,
if he is interested he will gather up the gust to do so.
I hated hearing that,
I had given him loyal extra attention and our one date was fun! 

On paper it was perfect, 

thats what I thought.

So I took her advice…

 and days passed….with no response!

awesome.

The next week, Jack had stalked my photography page and I gave him my number. 

We spoke on the phone for at least an hour the first night and every night it was longer.

Now days we skype endlessly.

 From the get go, everything was so natural that

we asked each other the heavy questions.

 Finances, raising kids, education, commitment to covenants.

And we felt the same, and when we Skype we just stared at each other.

 Our light and knowledge was so aligned, 

that we still grow together each day,
 and the unique thing about having the same goals is that it gives

you every ample opportunity to become one when you have a difference of opinion.

Deciding who you want to be with for eternity should be fun and exciting.

It should be taken serious through your preparation and willingness.

 Heavenly Father knew my heart and I just tried my best, 

often failing in my mind,

 to keep my fishing pools in the water regardless of the season of my life.

And maybe even when I didn’t want to.

This is being comfortable being uncomfortable.

 It was important to me to do
 EVERYTHING
 in my power to be led to a catch,

thank goodness I didn’t throw it back

thinking there might be something better, 

or thinking that another fish was wading away

 around another fishing hole.

 The difference between fishing and dating is

that once that fish is pulled out of the water 

you are responsible to investigate it thoroughly
enough to know to keep it or not,

 if you haven’t fish a lot, 

there may need to be more investigating.

 The more experiences you have reeling in the fishing
or being the fish reeled in prepares
you for what you need to learn and become. 

Allow these experiences. 

That’s one reason why we are on earth, to gain earthly experience.